The Funky Time Machine Badger

WARPING AROUND THE BELTS IN BOSENA SOLAR SYSTEM IN MY BADGER MARK II I WAS CHASING AROUND A RIFTER PILOT WHO WAS KEEN TO INTRODUCE HIMSELF BUT WE KEPT MISSING EACH OTHER.

BADGER MARK II

DRAT. THEN I REMEMBERED THE FLUX COILS IN THE BADGER'S THRUSTERS WERE FAULTY AND DID IN FACT ACT AS A SUB-VELOCITY TIME MACHINE (OF SORTS). I QUICKLY ENGAGED MY WARP DRIVE AND SET WARP SPEED TO 88 MPH. AT THIS EXACT POINT IN TIME THE SHIPS ON BOARD RADIO SYSTEMS SPRANG INTO LIFE AND GLORIOUS MUSIC FROM THE PAST SPURTED OUT OF THE SPEAKERS.

WARP DRIVE ACTIVE

THE CREW BEGAN TO WHOOP AND SING AS WE EMERGED FROM OUR WARP BACK IN TIME AT THE PREVIOUS BELT - RIGHT ON TOP OF THE PESKY RIFTER.

MARCONI PLAYS THE MAMBA
LISTEN TO THE RADIO
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

WHAT FOLLOWED WAS SPECIAL, GROOVY, MAGICAL. WEBBED AND NEUTED AND A LITTLE TECH ONE BLASTER PLINKING AWAY AT THE IMMOBILIZED RIFTER - LOCAL CHAT SPRANG INTO LIFE.



Nigel VII > he's attacked



NOW THERE'S JUST ME AND THIS DUDE IN HERE, SO I SCRATCH MY HEAD AND CARRY ON WITH THE TASK IN HAND. YOU TALKING TO ME HUH? I REMAIN SILENT.


Nigel VII > you got web or scram?

BOTH

Nigel VII > shit, myu cap is done

THE CAPACITOR IS EMPTY

Nigel VII > he's got me webbed, crap he's hurting me

INSERT SHRIEKING ALARM NOISES HERE

Nigel VII > i'm trapped

HALP ME

I'M LOVING THIS, I'M LOLING TO MYSELF AND MY CREW IS RUNNING AROUND THE BRIDGE LIKE DEMONIC PRIMATES.

LEFT WAIST GUNNER

Nigel VII > don't think he was mining

YOU DON'T SAY

Firelight Morgenstern > gfgf


NOT THE BEST LOOKING RIFTER PUNK BUT COME ON. IT'S A BADGER.



fIRE.

Pizza Delivery Results in Death of Mining Ship

A DELIVERY OF EIGHT THOUSAND ODD PIZZAS HEADING FOR SOME PUNKS POS IN GELFIVEN WAS COOKING AWAY IN THE HOLD OF THE DRAEK OVEN BOAT DELIVERY BATTLECRUISER WHEN LEAVING ATLAR WE WERE INEXPLICABLY BUMPED INTO BY A RETRIEVER THAT MUST HAVE BEEN LOST OR SOMETHING.

PIZZA DELIVERY DRONE

ORDERING MY HEAD PIZZA GUY TO ISSUE A SITUATION REPORT ON THE PIZZAS HE REPORTED BACK THAT SOME OF THE EXPENSIVE LONG-LIMB ROES HAD FALLEN OFF THE LUXURY MEAT FEAST AND HAD MIXED INTO THE THUKKER TRIBE CHEESE MIX DELUXE. THIS WAS NOT GOOD NEWS. WE PRIDE OURSELVES AT COVERT PIZZA EXPRESS ON OUR FINE SERVICE AND PEOPLE DON'T EXPECT SQUASHED UP AND MANGLED PIZZA.

THE IMPACT HAD RUINED SOME 130 PIZZAS!

AS THE DRAEK BEGAN TO STRAIGHTEN AFTER IMPACT I GAVE THE ORDER TO SMOKE THE GOD DAMNED MINING BOAT OUT OF THE SKY! HAVING JUST COMPLETED HEAVY MISSILE SPEC TO LEVEL 5 SOME MINUTES EARLIER I WAS GETTING A TWITCHY TRIGGER FINGER ON MY MISSILE COMMAND BUTTON THAT SAT RIGHT NEXT TO THE SWITCH FOR OVERHEAT ON THE OVENS.

CALDARI NAVY SCOURGE HEAVY MISSILE

FFFOOOOOOOOOOSH WENT THE FLIGHT OF MISSILES AND BANG WENT THE RETRIEVER!

WE SAT OUT OUR CRIMINAL FLAG AND REARRANGED THE PIZZAS THE BEST WE COULD BEFORE MOVING ON TO OUR DELIVERY SYSTEM WHERE WE RECEIVED A MISERABLE TIP OF 26 ISK.

KEEP THE CHANGE YOURSELF NEXT TIME PUNK.

fIRE.

Ratting for IKSIES and Hiatus

MY CURRENT CORP HAS DECIDED IT IS PULLING DOWN ITS POS'S AND TAKING A BIT OF A WELL EARNED BREAK, NOTHING MAJOR, GUESS THEY MADE ALL THEIR IKSIES AND NOW WANT TO ENJOY SOME TIME OFF AFTER THE INDUSTRIAL GRIND. FAIR PLAY DRUG BROTHERS.

THEY WILL STILL BE SELLING THE SURPLUS STOCK THEY HAVE SO WHISPER ME IF YOU WANT ANYTHING AND I SHALL SORT YOU OUT! (WITHIN REASON).

AS I WRITE YOU THESE NOTES I AM CLOAKED IN ONE OF MY TENGUI BOATS IN A NULL-SEC SYSTEM THAT WILL BE KEPT A SECRET AS I AM HIDING FROM THE GANG THAT JUST ENTERED. CHAINING RATS FOR SOME IKSIES, I AM GOING TO GO MENTAL AND RAISE SOME SERIOUS CASH FOR FUTURE SPENDING SPREES.

DON'T EXPECT ANY REAL STORIES FOR NOW, MAYBE I WILL GANK SOMEBODY OUT HERE AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT OR MAYBE I WILL GET GANKED MYSELF, IF I DO I WILL RAGE AND IT WILL NOT BE NICE.

DROPPED ROLES SO WILL BE FLYING UNDER THE BANNER OF PERKONE. RESPECT TO THE PERKONE MASSIVE. HOPEFULLY BE ABLE TO BRING SOME NICE PERKONE CORP CHAT FEEDS HERE, I'VE MISSED BEING IN NOOB CHANNELS.

AH THEY'VE GONE NOW, BACK TO THE GRIND.

FLY SAFE DRUG MONKIES.

fIRE.

How do you Justify a Drug Addiction?

BY STICKING MORE BOOSTERS IN YOUR HEAD THAT'S HOW. LOLOL. SERIOUSLY, I OFTEN GET ASKED BY POTENTIAL NEW CUSTOMERS WHO HAVE NOT INDULGED IN THE PLEASURABLE DELIGHTS OF COMBAT BOOSTER CONSUMPTION BEFORE, THE QUESTION OF 'ARE BOOSTERS WORTH IT'?

A what booster?

IS THE DIFFERENCE NOTICEABLE? DO THEY LAST LONG ENOUGH? IS THE PRICE OF THEM JUSTIFIABLE? ARE THE PENALTIES BAD? WILL I GROW EXTRA THUMBS? ETCETERA. ETCETERA.

WITHOUT DUMBFOUNDING MY READER WITH STATS AND NUMBERS AND FIGURES. WE HAVE TO THINK OF THE VARIABLE SITUATIONS. THE CYCLONE RUNNING A BLUE PILL AS WAVE AFTER WAVE OF ENEMIES BOUNCE OFF ITS NEVER-ENDING SHIELD BOOSTER, AS THE AUTOCANNONS ENHANCED WITH A TASTY LITTLE RED DROP BOOSTER TRACK AND BURN THROUGH THE FIELD.

Hmm tasty!

OK MAYBE I AM GETTING CARRIED AWAY A LITTLE. BUT THINK OF THE LITTLE BIT OF AN EXTRA 'EDGE' DURING BATTLE, IN A UNIVERSE WHERE A SINGLE PERCENT CAN BE THE DECIDING FACTOR BEHIND A KILL OR A LOSSMAIL.

THE FACTS ARE THAT THE COMBAT BOOSTER CAN AND DOES PLAY A VALUABLE ROLE IN YOUR PVP HABITS. WHEN YOU ARE NEXT ASKED THE QUESTION BY A SCEPTIC WHO HAS NOT ENTERED THE SHADY UNDERBELLY OF BOOSTER ABUSE, BE READY WITH THE ANSWER.

WHETHER YOUR BOOSTER IS GIVING YOU THAT LITTLE BIT MORE RANGE, REPPING POWER, TURRET ACCURACY, INVINCIBILITY. IT'S A NUMBERS GAME, THE MORE NUMBERS YOU HAVE THE MORE CHANCE YOU HAVE OF BEING A WINNER!

You! After your next booster hit.

YOU CAN WIN, AND YOU CAN WIN WITH PARADISE INJECTIONS AND OUR WIDE RANGE OF COMBAT BOOSTERS. ASK FOR A QUOTE TODAY. TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY.

SYNTHS AVAILABLE FOR THOSE WIMPS OF A NERVOUS DISPOSITION.

Paradise Injections fully trained nurse.

fIRE.

Death of Hookbill

WANTING TO BRING MY MASSES GLORIOUS KILLMAILS I HOOKED UP (NO PUN INTENDED) WITH MIURA AND WENT FOR A SHORT ROAM LOOKING FOR BLOOD. WE DIDN'T GET VERY FAR FROM OUR STARTING SYSTEM OF BOSBOGER.

I'D HAD THIS HOOKBILL FOR SOME TIME NOW, A GIFT FROM FAMOUS MISSION RUNNER OF EVE WENSLEY. IT HAD SNAGGED ME SOME KILLS TO DATE, MAINLY FROM JUST SITTING IN BELTS AND WAITING FOR FLASHY OR DUMB TYPES TO WARP IN ON ME.

THIS INCURSUS WAS ITS FIRST VICTIM, LANDING JUST AS THE INCURSUS EXPLODED WAS THIS RIFTER THAT BECAME A SPACE WRECK IN NEXT TO NO TIME. LATER THAT DAY I REMEMBER ONE PLUCKY RIFTER PILOT LOCKING ME UP WHILST I WAS SAT IN A BELT WITH MIURA IN HIS WOLF, BAD MISTAKE. THIS RUPTURE DISCOVERED THE FULL EFFECTS OF ROCKET SPEC 5 AND HIS FRIEND IN A THORAX ALSO WENT THE SAME WAY.

A PLUCKY PUNISHER AND RIFTER COMBO WAS NEXT TO WARP INTO THE HOOKBILL AND TRY TO MAKE EXPLOSIONS ON IT. HOWEVER, THE PUNISHER DIED QUITE QUICKLY, CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY HIS MATE IN HIS RIFTER.

AND SO, AFTER SOME FUN FIGHTS IT FINALLY CAME TO AN END. I TRIED TO SOLO A DRAMIEL, I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT THAT I'M QUITE GOOD SO THE PROSPECT OF KILLING A DRAMIEL DIDN'T PHASE ME, IN FACT I WAS QUITE LOOKING FORWARD TO READING THE KILLMAIL. AS THE DRAMIEL LOOKED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO SLIP INTO THE BLACK SOUP A TERRIBLE THING HAPPENED.

MALLER AND ISHKUR JOINING THE BATTLE!?

MIURA WARP TO ME, NEED A HAND HERE!

MIURA WARPED IN AND FINISHED OFF THE DRAMIEL BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE COULDN'T QUITE DO ANYTHING ELSE AND HE SUCCUMBED TO THE TWO ENEMIES.

I'M HAPPY THOUGH, HOOKBILL HAD A GOOD RUN AND A DRAMIEL DIED. SORRY ABOUT YOUR JAGUAR, MIURA. OH AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME POST ON YOUR KILLBOARD.

fIRE.

Hello Space Boat Violencing people

MY NAME IS FIRELIGHT MORGENSTERN, I AM AN ACHURAN CALDARI PILOT WHO WEARS THE COOLEST SHADES, HAS THE FLASHEST RIDES, THE BEST WOMEN AND THE NEATEST TRIMMED CREW CUT AND BANG TIDIEST BEARD THIS SIDE OF CALDARI PRIME.

HOLDING CAMERA PHONE IN THE MIRROR

SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF ME. THAT'S COOL. AS A SPACESHIP PILOT AND SMUGGLER IT IS SOMETIMES BEST TO STAY IN THE SHADOWS. BUT NOW I HAVE DECIDED TO SHARE MY STORIES WITH YOU. I WORK FOR THE CORPORATION CALLED PARADISE INJECTIONS, WE MAKE BOOSTERS AND INJECT THEM INTO SPACE HAMSTERS BEFORE WE DELIVER TO OUR CUSTOMERS ALL OVER THE CLUSTER. WHERE THEY THEN TURN THEMSELVES INTO THE HAMSTER AND INJECT THEM INTO THEIR HEADS FOR EXTRA COMBAT SKILLZ.

BUT YEAH, MY FAVOURITE SPACESHIP BOAT IS THE TENGUI AND ANYTHING CALDARI. I DON'T FLY NONE OF THE PEASANT RACES SPACESHIPS FOR FEAR OF WHAT THE INTERIORS ARE LIKE. I LIKE ROCKETS TOO SO I TRAINED ROCKET SPECIALIZATION ALL THE WAY TO 5. FOR REAL, IT WAS MY FIRST EVER SKILL.

TENGUI

MY FRIEND MIURA BULL MADE ME MAKE THIS BLOG. HE IS A NEGATIVE TEN PIRATE WHO HAS A SHINY HEAD, SOMETIMES HE WEARS A HAT. I TOOK THE PICTURE BELOW WHEN HE WAS NOT LOOKING. I LIKE TO FLY WITH HIM SOMETIMES COS HE PLAYS SOME FUNKY BRUTOR TUNES OUT OF HIS SPACESHIPS.

MIURA BULL

SO THAT'S ME. FIRELIGHT MORGENSTERN, PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

fIRE.